Angels

memories of the girls, the women that I’ve loved
not ones that lasted weeks or days or an hour
but ones whose lives I’ve touched
whose memories, but a shadow,
haunt me with their smile, especially
their laughter, their trust
and lust, those too

where are they now
who do they love
my hopes, a better man
a better man than I

memories, warm and mysterious,
intoxicating and full
above all, spirit-filled and lasting
somewhere out there, still

their touch, a pleasure
the love I felt and feel,
undiminished,
undeniably for real
to wish they knew me now
to know that I am better
less handsome, more appealing
debonair or so I thought
doesn’t matter anymore

these lives, these angels
appearing in my path
along the way, in my youth
in my unknowing and my haste
to discard, a waste
companions, the best
each, true loves
abandoned for myself or another
but never for them

until…

until the moment
this moment
the moment I realize
I am alone

-J