How do I decide?

How do I decide
not to be bothered by the want
the need of another?
To live this life alone
To control my time and my desire
To liberate my being and transcend my loneliness
To be more near a power that guides and shows mercy

Or, to reenter the chaos of another
To thrust the whole aspect of my madness onto
an innocent being in hopes that my madness translates into their joy
To learn from one and that one from me
To join in a common enterprise and live fully as a part
or to live partly as a whole

To take the chance, again, of losing
losing at life and at love
This question, a matter of pride and of principle
will yield to my need and my imperfection
as I am one who depends on a love
a love of another to prop, suspend, and behold me
Shame be damned. I need to love and to be loved
even as a fool.

-J