Categories
of Humility and Change

Last Leg

Last Leg

Careened no longer – afloat
my mind adrift
an ocean of thought
a shakedown cruise
with no room to swing a cat

a run, a voyage
a dead reckoning course
of faith and fear
almost drowning
in a sea of unknowingness

all squared away
at last exploring
the horizon wide
the past, my wake
great care, no crew
no trimmer I’ll take

last leg – I’ll make it a good one
from captains and comrades
I’ve learned the ropes
my rigging is sturdy
my bearing is straight
my life, my compass
my map, my fate

rough weather
no stranger to me
survived the great storms
on all the high seas

this one’s a doozy
my ship, it could break
from stem and to stern
the old man is awake

tossed and turned
barely escape
the wrath and the churn
of God’s might

terrifying calm
the crisp night air
my resolve out of trim
me and my boat
swaying with sea and with wind
leave me with worry, relief
and some gin

harbor sighting
a ship’s bell ringing
refuge at last, a port
or so seeming

the anchor lights
in good shape, redeeming
not one but two
soon will be gleaming

leagues of time and distance traveled
the journey soon comes to an end
my boat, a wreck, me much the same
nevertheless, I’ll state my claim…

the voyage is worthy
your boat, just the same
Avast ye young mateys
be sure you are so
for life can get stormy
this salty dog knows

great waves,
hard rain,
strong winds may blow.

-J

Categories
of Humility and Change

The Heart Truth

The Heart Truth

As we live, surely, we grow,
learn more than another
Our ignorance, our weakness,
and our happiness
Our enlightenment, our strength
and our demise
Our knowing and unknowing
Our mystery

Our truth, universal
Our difference, divine
Our purpose,
Our gift
that we have received
To comfort and give
Our time
Our effort
Our heart
as one must
uniquely and lovingly
as he would have us

Our worth, our heart
Ours to give
as no other truth empowers
nor gives reason to another.

-J

Categories
of Gratitude

A Lovely Work of Heart

A Lovely Work of Heart
(for Catherine Searle)

When I’m anxious
When I’m blue
When I’m scattered
or in tatters
What to do?
I turn to you!

So lucky to have you as my friend
You never scold me or pretend
Your always there to lift me up
when times are dark
when times are rough

You lend an ear when I’m in fear
You cheer me on in my endeavors
Share my laughter and my tears
and when I’m lonely, make it better

If time and distance separate us
in my heart, I’ll always be
so very thankful for our friendship
all your love, your love, for me

To you, I owe so much
Just how would I survive
all the heartache and the strife
without you there in my life

I’ll love you always and forever
A better friend could not exist
Sincerely, from my heart
from my soul, I‘ll just say this:

Thank you for your friendship
Thank you from my heart
I thank God that he created
Such a lovely work of art

-J

Categories
of Love

The Love we Seek

The Love we Seek

They say fools rush in
where Angels fear to tread
Yet every song expresses love
a longing or a heartache
attempts to salvage anothers heart
or to love one who is just out of reach
Why?

Is love not real?
Is it a fairy tale?
Is it unattainable?
Or a gale force wind
that knocks you down,
picks you up, then
carries you on your way?

Love, joyous
and blues to depths which ruin
A foolish endeavor?
Only for those who are,
for the moment, incapable
but try anyway

Such a mystery
Such is our condition
A rendition repeated
over and over for some

An intricate weave
Threads of emotion
running through
the fabric of our lives
A tapestry of the heart
A yearning of mind, body
and our souls

Could it be that the love we seek
Is not the one for whom we reach
but the breath of life given us
at our start

A love we seek
that all along is with us
offering love without limits
for those who recognize
the gift and the offering
so that we can live, and love

Is it enough?
We must trust and give ourselves to him
to do with us what he will
and to represent him with our love
of others and to that special one
that only he can give

Love becomes, at last, no mystery.

-J

Categories
of Reminiscences

My Dad

Things I know about my dad.

He went to work at 6 every morning. He came home about 3:30. He took a nap. His waist size was incomprehensible to me. He was handsome. He was tall. He was kind. He was angry when he didn’t understand.

He drove me to all my things. He rooted for me in my endeavors. He cheered when I did well and when I just tried my best.

He let me know I was important. He never had to say “I love you” for it was so apparent.

He became kind and gentle over time and I loved his laugh and his smile. He included me and showed me so many things. How to fish. How to roof the house, how to fix the car. How to tear a dishwasher apart and not figure out how to fix it, for months.

He showed me how to treat a woman, though, at times, he would be angry and vent. I didn’t understand the pressure that the world put on each and every man. He taught me to love another above all.

He delighted in my being and made me feel worthwhile.

He left a Payday candy bar in his lunch box for me every Friday but never mentioned it. It was a thought, an action, a confirmation, a gift that I miss and I cherish.

He showed me a way to live which I abandoned that I now want to emulate.

He helped with my homework and my fears. He once said that you can’t go around beating up assholes, there are just too many of them, which taught me tolerance.

He was the most wonderful friend that I never knew. He was my hero and he is the man I wish I could be.

-J

Categories
of Humility and Change

I Fall in Holes.

I Fall in Holes.

When you think you cannot bear any more
When you think it’s just too rough
Remember the times that you were there
Now you’re here, though times were tough

The road in life is filled with holes
We fall in, some wide and deep
Some take a while to climb out of
We’re strong but oh so weak

We scratch and claw and sometimes fall
We start again to climb the wall
although its long and steep
Remember that we fell before
We wept then crawled then leaped

Sometimes we just can’t do it all
and seek out a friend for help
They pull us up out of the hole
as we cry and sigh and yelp

When times are rough the thing to do
Is calm yourself and then
Reach out to one you trust the most
someone you call a friend

If you look up and, seemingly,
there is no friend in sight
Remember what a friend we have,
his power and his might

He’s with you everywhere you go
He’s right there with you in the hole
to offer a leg-up
He died for you, and loves you so,
He’ll help you get unstuck

When you get out and you’re on your way
be thankful that you did
Remember what he’s done for you
until you fall again . . .

-J

Categories
of Love

It Doesn’t Matter

It Doesn’t Matter

I tried to write a love song
But now, it doesn’t matter
All the love you gave me
Today, is all but shattered

When love beckoned
I answered
We became like one
and the sun shined

For us there was no other
We danced all night
Slept all day
Felt the waves of passion

Under a starlit sky
In love
You and I
Sharing secrets

Our minds melded
But in time
Something more than I
Is what you needed

Just then, A lie
An unanswered sigh
A sad goodbye
Then, you turned to walk away

As I reached for you
You slowly faded out of sight
There I stood, helpless
As my heart flooded

My love song faded
Into the horizon
Where you turned
To look one more time

And now, it doesn’t matter

-J

Categories
of Humility and Change

Just Enough

Just Enough

A friend misunderstands
Your car, it won’t turnover
Your rent is due again
‘bout to think that it’s all over
Then, on a rainy day
A bill you didn’t pay
The sink begins to leak
And your back begins to ache
Your tired and you think
That you deserve a little break
You pray and say amen
Then it starts all up again

Acceptance is the key
It’s all a part of life
The good and all the bad
All the joy and all the strife
Acceptance is the key
The key to all the rest
To let you feel all right
And to give it all your best

The sun begins to shine
And the birds begin to sing
You wonder ‘bout a friend
And the phone begins to ring
He asks you how you are
And you answer things are fine
Cause you know it’s so much better
Than self-pity and a whine

As your days go on forever
As the crap just piles up
Just remember that he loves you
And that, my friend, is just enough.

-J

Categories
of Gratitude

No Wonder

No Wonder

Woke up this morning
Got up at six
Drank me some coffee

Shaved
Took a shower
Put on some fresh clothes
Then had some more coffee

Went outside
A beautiful brisk morning
And I breathed

Breathed in the fresh air
Smoked me a fag
And stared

At the leaves on the trees
The leaves on the ground
The sun rising up
The wonderful clouds

Leaves blowing in the breeze
The crisp fresh air
And I wondered not

-J

Categories
of Loss and Loneliness

The Weight

The Weight

I sit
wondering
if I’ll ever be loved
The memory of my wife
emblazoned in my head
The times we shared
Good and Bad
Now, she’s dead
and I struggle
struggle to go on without her
without the comfort of her warm heart
 

Today, thoughts of yesterday
crowd my head
Her things around me
as my heart seeks peace
As my being, incomplete
remembers a whisper
a soft caress
I travel somewhere
somewhere inside
where I am tortured
by my own inadequacy
 

Having loved and won
having loved and lost
the defeat and the sorrow
won’t leave me alone
I think about the chances
The chance I might find another
The chances, slim
But my heart…
my heart dims
as I spend another day, alone
and wait for love.
 

-J